Let’s Talk About That Voice in Your Head

Do you know that voice in your head that constantly criticizes you, judges you, and makes you doubt yourself and your capabilities? That harsh and unforgiving voice?

“What do you think you are doing? You can’t do this! You will just make a fool out of yourself in front of everyone. Do you want to fail, AGAIN? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You know you are not good enough!”

Does this sound familiar?

Because of my negative self-talk, I have traveled far and wide in the lands of self-judgement and self-doubts, believing that my work wasn’t good enough. And at times, I still travel along that road.

Last year I was invited as a guest speaker at an MBA program - an incredible honor! But instead of feeling excited about the opportunity, my inner critic took over.

I started to feel anxious, inadequate, and was in agony for days. “I will mess up, I just know it. I will embarrass myself and become all red. I’m not qualified for this!"  – I kept telling myself over and over again.

I almost did not accept the invitation, just thinking about how I would be a disaster. But here’s the twist—I prepared, showed up, and delivered. And guess what? It went great.

What is the inner critic?

The inner critic is that nagging voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. That voice has seen us embarrassing ourselves and failing, at times. That is why when it yells at us (and oh, it does yell!) about how uncapable we are, we believe it! It feels like truth but it’s actually just our brain being a drama queen and exaggerating a past experience. We all mess up at times, it’s part of learning and growing, but our inner critic wants us to believe we will mess up ALL THE TIME.

That’s not true!

What happens is that by repeating the stories our inner critic is telling us, we are inadvertently training our minds to grow ever more self-critical. And then we become so accustomed to the inner critic’s message that we start believing “this is just who I am”. And if we’re not careful, it zaps our confidence, steals our joy, and makes us shrink back from opportunities we’re more than qualified for.

What you need to understand is: the thoughts of your inner critic are not facts, they are distorted perceptions fueled by fear, insecurity, and past experiences that did not turn out as you wanted them to. When I realized that, I decided that I would not allow my inner critic to define who I was. That voice wasn’t me; I do not screw up all the time and I am more than capable of learning. And so are you!

So, how do we quiet our inner critic?

Challenging the Inner Critic

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another” – William James

Choosing to believe our thoughts is what gives them power. Remember thoughts are not facts. Our mind will continue to think negative thoughts, sure, but we do not have to believe them.

It’s important to start seeing our inner critical thoughts less as the truth about us and more as the habitual reflex of the mind (a habitual response strengthened by years of practice). And next time negative thoughts creep in, instead of getting wrapped up in self-criticism or self-doubts, you can think this:

“Ah, there you are again, trying to ruin my vibe. Not today!” Or my favorite - you can give the voice a ridiculous name like “Negative Nancy” or “Debbie Downer”. When the voice shows up, call her out: “Not today, Debbie.” It sounds silly, I know, but it works wonders. Naming it separates you from the voice and allows you to separate a negative behavior/outcome from you as an individual.

Then flip the script: Replace “I’m not good enough” with “I’m still learning, and I’m capable.” This simple practice will prevent you from activating the emotions that are the typical response to negative thoughts.

Cultivating Self -compassion

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others” – Christopher Germier

Practicing self-compassion is about reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it's ok to be imperfect. It’s about giving yourself the same compassion you’d offer to a friend.

I’ll be honest—I used to be my own worst critic. I remember vividly one time when I made a mistake at work. I spiraled into self-doubt, replaying the error in my head and telling myself I wasn’t cut out for the job.

But then I paused. Instead of tearing myself down, I decided to approach myself with compassion. I thought, “If a friend were in this situation, what would I say to her?” I’d tell her that everyone makes mistakes and that one moment doesn’t define her”. So, I started saying those things to myself.

It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t feel natural at first. But as I practiced, I noticed a shift. I began to feel less weighed down by guilt and shame and more empowered to learn from the experience.

I recently listened to a Podcast – Modern Wisdom by Chris Williamson - and in the episode with Dr. Peter Attia he shared this technique, that I find to be amazing. So, what you need to do is: every single time your inner critic shows up telling you horrible things about yourself, you take up your phone and record audibly a description of what you would say to a friend if she had come to you feeling the exact way you are feeling and going through the exact thing you are going through. Does not have to be long, a 1-minute recording is enough.

What this self-compassion practice does is instead of looking for judgement and finding it, gently encourages your brain to look for appreciation.

Collect Micro Wins

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out” – Robert Collier

There is one more thing you can do to quiet your inner critic: focus on something it tends to overlook – your wins!

And I’m not talking about massive, life-changing achievements. I’m talking about the little, everyday victories that often go unnoticed but deserve just as much credit.

A “micro win” isn’t necessarily something you did perfectly—it’s about showing up and making an effort. The key is to focus on your behavior, not just the outcomes. Here are some examples:

·         You spoke up in a meeting, even though you were nervous.

·         You stopped yourself from spiraling into negative self-talk.

·         You shared an idea, even though you feared the reaction of others

·         You took an action where you normally might have procrastinated

·         You did not react emotionally when a colleague pressed one of your "buttons"

·         You stayed awake in a meeting when everyone else was dozing off! 😊

See how these aren’t about being perfect? They’re about making progress, one small choice at a time.

Let me share one of my own micro wins to show you how small but impactful these moments can be.

A few weeks ago, I was in a meeting where a big decision needed to be made. Normally, I’d stay quiet, doubting whether my input would add any value. But this time, I pushed past that hesitation and shared my idea. Was I nervous? Absolutely. My voice even shook a little. But here’s the thing—my idea initiated a good discussion, and in the end, it helped shape the final decision.

It wasn’t about being the smartest person in the room or having all the answers. The win was speaking up despite my fear. I wrote it down in my micro wins list that day: “I contributed to the meeting today, even though I felt nervous.”

When I reflected on it later, I didn’t just think, “I’m proud of myself.” I let myself FEEL it. I took a moment to recognize how much courage it took and how this one step made me more confident for the next time.

When you start keeping track of your micro wins, you’re giving yourself proof that you are making progress, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. And when you not only think about these wins but actually feel them—taking a moment to savor your accomplishment—you’re rewiring your brain to notice the good things instead of just the challenges.

On tough days when your inner critic is loud and life feels like an uphill battle, your list of micro wins becomes your reminder: “Look how far you’ve come”. It’s like having a cheerleader in your back pocket—proof that you’ve faced challenges before and come out stronger.

Remember, you are not defined by your inner critic’s voice. You are defined by your resilience, your compassion, and your capacity for growth. Dare to shine brightly as the unique and remarkable individual you are.

You’ve got this.